green cherries on the beach

so it has officially been 36 days since the last time that i wrote anything on this little thing they call a blog. it’s amazing how things come up and life gets in the way of the things you’re doing. this can be bad or this can be good. for me, i’d have to say it was good. i had to put a lot of things on hiatus as my life got a little hectic for a while, but i lived through the experience and now i can pick up where i left off, hopefully as a different and better person. that is the point of anything we do, i’d have to say. if there’s no chance of creating positive change (whether it be permanent or temporary), why bother? it could be a change in you or a change in someone else or anything really. but whatever you do, make it count. if you have the chance to make that kind of change in someone, go for it. there are only so many minutes in the day and so many days left to live.

now on to the important stuff. i haven’t written anything in so long, so i must have been pondering things to write and ideas to share. and i must have concocted this amazing post that everyone would be amazed by. that is of course what should happen during such a long sabbatical, if you will. the problem is that when you create such a suspense and such a lengthy wait, the pressure grows to massive proportions. the longer you wait, the more it grows, and it’s a downward cycle that leads to one of two things: an absolutely amazing blog post or disappointment. ever since i first realized “wow, it’s been a long time since i wrote anything online”, i’ve been scared of that ever-growing possibility of great disappointment. so i’ve tried my best in recent times to come up with something of merit and substance. but i’ve been putting it off, not knowing if anything would be good enough. so why did i decide to write? a valid question, indeed. i’d have to blame that on a bit of self-pride. i was in conversation, nothing of real importance, with a few nice people, and a reference was made to the “lampstand of the covenant”. and it was pretty cool having that dropped in conversation, so i felt like i couldn’t leave the “fans” hanging around much longer (of course, my concept of readers and appreciation of this writing is probably now infinitely skewed and ballooned within my mind by a single comment, but like i was saying before, if i have the chance through these random stories and commentaries to make any kind of positive change in someone, i think i should at least try). and so here we are. a post.

a little birdie (who is also known as my sister) dropped an absolutely amazing rumor into my lap a few days back. it was in reference to an event that i, personally, have been waiting and hoping for over a period of probably about a decade. actually, that’s most likely a bit of a skewed statistic, but it’s definitely been at least like six or seven years. the rumor that was told (that for many, if not most, of you will mean absolutely nothing at all) was that there is a great possibility of the return of a certain “hosanna” to a certain “passion play” in the upcoming easter season. of course, it’s only a rumor, but it’s a rumor that i’ve been ready to here ever since i was a child and they so awfully took it away.

after hearing that, i was rather gleeful for a while. but as with most things, the initial excitement wore off eventually and went into an impatient waiting. easter isn’t for many months, so if i just sat back and stayed impatient until then, i’d probably go crazy. so instead i let myself think about it. and that’s where this post actually came from. the song “hosanna” (which was originally written and performed by sandi patty, for any and all who were wondering) brought me back a long way. the last time i had the chance to sing that tune was probably around 1999, back in the time when everyone was partying like it was itself. if my math serves me well, i believe i was in the sixth grade way back then. what amazed me with thinking about all of this was the incredible progression that has taken place. from that year up until now (which happens to currently be 2006), i’ve held on to a hope for the return of the formerly mentioned song. but at the same time, i have become a completely different person. i’ve grown up, lived through many things (both good and bad), and learned so much. i’m sure that back at that point i never once took even a moment to think about what it was going to be like to sit in my college dorm room. and yet now, as i sit in my college dorm room, i reminisce about how it was back then. it really makes you think about things. and when you sit back and give yourself a moment to do just that, there is always so much to think about.

i could think about how at that point i could still sing. and i got to be the only little boy angel ever in the play. i could think about how only a few years later i would be thrown into this big role and get to be john. plus, i would have the chance to be crippled, crucified, mock the people who were being crucified, the voice of jesus in the garden, and various other things all in the course of a couple years. and this is all just thinking about my history with the play. when you get into thinking about life, that’s when it gets really crazy. i’ve finished middle school since then. i’ve finished high school since then. i was drum major of the marching band (and got to win a crazy huge marchoff in the process). i’ve fallen in and out of love. i’ve had my life planned out so many times, only to have those plans pushed aside. i, somehow, turned into this ridiculous kid who goes to a party school and yet sits there with lots of religious books on his shelf and goes to church all the time (and for that matter, i go to uconn. the one and only college i was opposed to going to). i’m a music major (i was never even very good at playing any instrument. figure that one out). i’ve come and gone as a camp counselor. in fact, it’s been a few years now since i’ve been to camp. that’s a weird feeling (though, i still certainly remember the time there when my sister and i decided it would be a good idea to wrap up a bunch of kids in tin foil in the middle of the hottest day of the summer). i’ve been to alaska, california, arizona, nevada, and so many other places on some of the most ridiculous family vacations you could imagine. i’ve done so many things that i never expected to do. so many things that i never would have guessed in a million years. so many things that i probably wouldn’t have believed if you had told me in advance. and that only scratches the most obvious of surfaces. i’ve shared so many wonderful moments with other people. with friends who i will cherish. with my family. and probably even with people i’ve forgotten and have moved on from. but the beauty of it is that all those moments happeneed and were real. and they are there in my mind ready to be let out.

no matter how much or how little you think you’ve experienced in your life, there are plenty of memories and moments that are there for you to constantly call up and remember. you just have to take the time to let yourself do it. and when you do, it’s pretty awesome. it’s interesting to think that a lot of the things i just wrote mean absolutely nothing to most people reading them. a few people might connect with something here or there, but all in all, that’s my list. it’s written much more for me than for anyone else. which then, i guess, just passes the torch to you to make your own. take time to think. take time to enjoy. i mean, there are only so many times in each person’s life that the dual wheel on their rented rv will fall off while going full speed down a nevada highway, only to bounce along, catch back up to the vehicle, and smash right into the window that you’re sitting next to. only so many times. so you really have to cherish them. for yourself. yeah, it’s probably pretty selfish, but that makes it all the more fun to do.

and so in the most grand and dramatic of fashions, we end with this. a great man named epictetus once said, “fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress.” no, i have no idea what that means either. so that’s a memory we can now share. stick it on your list.